Excess Baggage August 26, 2010

Have you ever found that you’d overpacked suitcase, leaving you no option but to re-pack so it would meet airline regulations? I have. It’s tough. Trying to fit all the wonderful things you’d like to give someone at your destination, plus the stuff you need, plus that extra pair of shoes (just because they are cute, and who knows, you might need them)…that’s a challenge. But, the adventure doesn’t stop there – after we pack it all in, we’ve got to measure it; weighing the bag on a bathroom scale in hopes that the number is less than 50. You know, so all that junk can go with you.

After many overseas trips filled with fun afternoons of preparation described above, I know all-too-well what a 50 pound bag feels like. How hard it is to lug it to the scale, and balance it on the little square of knowledge. Then, the challenge of dragging the thing (assuming those handy wheels work right) to the car, lifting it into the trunk, and taking it out again. Rolling it thru the airport, and finally handing it over to some poor airline worker who has to deal with all that weight between boarding and destination. Yep, that luggage is a hassle.

It wasn’t until a year after my weight loss that I realized how much of a “true weight” had been lifted off me. See, I’m a visual person, so while 65 pounds is great as a number on a readout or a weight chart, the reality of the progress I’d made hit when I thought about luggage. Packing those bags for another trip, barely making it to the scale, straining my back to lift the bag, and reading the number. 49.5 pounds. And I could barely lift it. A sweet whisper in my spirit reminded me that I’ve lost that, plus a carry on bag! (ok, so maybe my purse alone weighs 15 pounds, but you know what I mean…)

Progress. Success. The realization that the weight I could barely lift with two hands was the weight that used to be dragged around atop my bones every day. Everywhere. No wonder I was tired all the time. No wonder my joints were aching and arthritis was setting in. No wonder. I had some serious baggage.

I can honestly say, this is the first, and only time, I’ll ever be glad to lose my luggage! That 65 pounds is the baggage I never want to lug around again. Ever.

The Contest August 16, 2010

Well, since I’m a girl who never wins contests, I thought what the heck, typed out my responses, and hit the send button.

That’s how it began. I’d reached a good weight, lost 65 pounds, and kept it off for awhile. Good! But enter a contest? Why not? When I saw the “Medifast Happy Afters” contest application online, I filled it out, attached some photos, and hit send. I thought, naively, that it was over.

After all, I’m a girl who never wins contests.

Fast forward a few months, and the phone rings. Sweet voice over the phone breaks the news. You are a finalist! A what? I thought to myself? Really? Do they realize I’m not a size 6? Or that my left leg isn’t even a size 6?!?  A finalist. For the Medifast Happy Afters. Wait a week, we’ll let you know if you’re chosen.

You know what? In a world of internet, email, instant messages, texting and the like, I’d forgotten what it feels like to sit by the phone and wait for it to ring. Ugh. For a girl who never wins, I was really hoping I’d won.

When the call came the next week, I was in shock. Again. Really? I’m going? I’m chosen? One of ten? Oh my. How cool. And intimidating. And real. Hmmm. Guess I can’t gain the weight back now! Ha! So many things went through my mind. The thought that dominated all others was, “Lord, be glorified.”

See, once again, I was confronted with the why and how of this whole process. This wasn’t like the other attempts. This wasn’t just a diet. God had changed my heart. Cleared out some spiritual junk in my life. And, Medifast, helped the process along. The more I prayed, the more it was clear that this was something God was saying “yes” to. So, off I went.

Boarding the plane as the “former fatty” I found myself having a blast of a week. With new friends who knew exactly what I had been through, and why this was such a success. No competition or comparison – just celebration. We were treated incredibly well – spa day, shopping day, and photo shoots.

our medifast spa day, I'm on the far left.

Oh, the photo shoots. Now, for the girl who didn’t expect to win, I think I was the last to realize the photos had a purpose. We were going to be in the company’s ads! In magazines and such! As success stories!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jennifer Devlin, and I lost 65 pounds on the Medifast program.

Oh my. I’m now one of “those people” – but you know what? I thank God every day that I found Medifast online – in that moment when I hit rock bottom and needed a solution, crying out to God for help. Between my faith and my food choices, success was achieved. And, I do believe, this success will last.

I’m so thankful for the Medifast team and how sweet they’ve been to me and the other winners. There’s no way to convey how special it is to have the company tell you “you did good!”

What about Medifast? August 16, 2010

Well, I figured since I’ve mentioned Medifast a bunch already, I’d better give you a bit more detail. I found it online – at www.medifast1.com. I’m not employed by them, or a health coach for them. I just used the products. (And, won a contest they ran – more on that later.)

It’s a great program. You just eat five of their meal choices, and one “lean and green” (lean meat, green veg) meal a day. That’s it. For the first six months, I was completely on this plan. The simplicity of it was a huge factor in breaking the cycle of sugar addiction.

After that, I started modifying the meals, adding in more lean and green foods. I also began running at that point, which required more calories to keep my energy up. That’s about the point where I leveled off, and I’ve maintained that weight for over a year now.

I still use their products during the day, but now usually have 3 or 4 Medifast meals, then two to three small portions of lean and green in addition. The calorie count is still manageable, because the “real” food I choose is mostly low glycemic, and healthy. The most important thing I’ve learned is how to live healthy, and not return to my old eating patterns. Yay!

I’ve found that the low glycemic type eating works best for me with regard to food choices because it keeps my blood sugar from going haywire - Medifast did a great job of keeping me level too. It’s been amazing to not have a low blood sugar episode since I began this journey! They used to be pretty common. My old solution? Eat sugar. Then crash again. My new solution? Stay level and healthy. Hmmm. No wonder I feel better these days…

Contentment or Scale Wars? August 16, 2010

Why is it so hard to be content with our weight? With our looks? With the reflection in the mirror?

Yes, this might be more of an issue for ladies than for men, but think about it – we are inundated from every angle of society with a false sense of what “perfect” looks like.

• If only we could look like the airbrushed images on magazine covers.
• If only we could live up to the standard of living we see lived out by superstars on the big screen.
• If only we could eat the sweets advertised, without needing the weight loss products advertised along side them.
• If only…

 

Friend, what is your “if only”? Let me take a wild guess at some of the things you might be thinking: skinnier jeans, nicer body for swimsuit season, better photos, more friends, happier life, perfection, etc…

I’ve been there too – and get there quickly on any given day if I lose track of my goal. My goal is contentment. Being comfortable in my own skin.

See, somehow we’ve bought into the lie that if we would just lose that last ten, twenty, whatever, pounds, then our life would be great. Everything would fall into place. People would like us more. Husbands would love us more. Our popularity would change. Our body would cooperate with the latest fashion lines. But really, does that make us who we are? Does our number on the scale make us more loveable? Do we want people to like us based on our outward appearance? Is our goal really to have a superficial existence, with our level of success based on the finding or losing of twenty pounds of pudge?

Yeah, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But, our self-talk can put us right in that rut in a second if we’re not careful.

In this journey over the past year and more, I’ve learned a bit more about what contentment means. See, even though I’ve lost a bunch of pudge, I’m still twenty pounds from my “goal” – you know, that magic number on a chart in a book. The weight somebody says I need to be to no longer be in the “overweight” category. Well, in the process of changing my habits, God has helped me see that a sustainable change is much better than a desperate change.

• I want this thing to last.
• I want to be healthy.
• I want to live in a way that is no longer compulsive in any way.

 

And, so, if that means I’m at this particular weight for a long time, I guess contentment is the next stage of life. My weight loss goal has been replaced with the more important goal of contentment.

Making peace with twenty pounds. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Seeing the progress I’ve made should make me happy enough, but again, all it takes is one minute of self criticism to forget all about the progress, and focus on the part I didn’t achieve.

Well, that will get me nowhere. It won’t get you anywhere either. Only you and God can decide where you should be, within a healthy range. (Careful though, I’m in NO way encouraging you to justify and ignore a weight issue that is out of control – but we’ve got to be realistic about our “healthy” goal and understand that it has a range that’s acceptable.)

Only God can help you become content with who you are, and what shape you are – and to me, the bigger issue is whether you are comfortable with who you are becoming, and how you’re growing mentally and spiritually, not what your scale says.

Because friend, that scale isn’t the measure of who we are. Our heart attitude, and our commitment to health is the measure of success. Every time.

“One Thing” Blog Entry from Week 13 August 13, 2010

Ok, so I thought I’d share this blog entry I posted after 13 weeks on my journey. It will give you an idea of where I was mentally, and the struggle I had with sharing the specifics of my journey at that point. Yes, it really has taken me a year and a half to get the nerve to be this open with you! 

Here’s the link to that post:

http://jenniferdevlin.blogspot.com/2009/05/what-is-your-one-thing.html

What is this “DIET” anyway? August 13, 2010

Ok, so this whole theme of “leaving your diet in the dust” sounds enticing, because it might imply that we never have to watch what we eat. Ever again. Free to binge. But, in reality, my hope is that we will all be more balanced and moderate with our food, because food will no longer be the central issue. Our heart attitude will be central. Our commitment to freedom will be central.

So, what is your DIET? This concept is pivotal for lasting change. Think about your “DIET” plan – Your “Do It Every Time” habits that set you up for failure.

Every.

Single.

Time.

See, I want us to leave the destructive patterns of our past in the dust. With today’s weight loss industry pulling billions of dollars out of our pockets through new “diet” plans and programs, we become dizzy wondering what is the perfect plan. Well, as I’ve said before, I think I’ve tried them all. Done one plan numerous times. Do these “diets” work? Absolutely. If you stick to them. If you change your habits. But for me, I never changed my “DIET” – the things I did every time. The manipulation of food journals and point systems. The destructive self talk that kept me from lasting success. The sabotaging bad days where I ate too much and convinced myself to just give up and go to the big lady store for my clothes again. That was my “DIET” of choice – no matter what food plan I followed.

What is yours?

What is your “do it every time” system that keeps you bound up in bad habits?

Leave it in the dust, dear friend. Leave it behind. Start fresh. Find freedom.

Once this hit home with me, it was clear that the plan I followed (Medifast) was a great program, but the lasting change would only come when I used the plan and left my DIET in the dust. Find what system works for you, as far as eating plans – but don’t forget to leave out those bad habits!

A Word of Encouragement – Just in Time August 13, 2010

As I began seeing results in my journey, God kept reinforcing His strength and His hope in my situation. I’m not going to kid you – there were days filled with dreams of junk food – and a constant mental battle to stay on track. Though transformation was happening, it was going along at it’s own pace – not my expectation of instant perfect-ness (yeah, right…)

At the same time I began this change, I was in a small group study with some friends. We were going through the book, “Seeking God” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

In this book, during a hard week of temptation, the study of Philippians 2:13 jumped off the page – with this promise, “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” Hmm. God would give me the power and the desire to pursue righteousness? Well, that’s how Nancy explained it.

Did I believe it? Oh, yes. In this season of submitting this area to God, it was clear that my willpower was not enough. My strength was not enough. My power was non-existent. But God! Oh, how He was carrying me thru, keeping me on track, and helping me be satisfied with my meal plan. Yes, the food was good, but only He could transform my heart completely.

The thing that hit me the most was the fact that God not only gives us the power, but the desire to pursue righteousness. Desire. I had many desires, and some of them were quite unhealthy. Like the now waning desire to eat whatever, whenever, no matter what the effect. But now, God would change those desires. I would want to be healthy. Pleasing to God. Wow. Not in my own strength, but because my focus was on Him, and He would give me the strength and power. Cool, huh? That promise is available to everyone!

And, Philippians 2:13 became the verse I clung to – in the moments I caved to temptation, and in the choices that kept me on the right road – either way, it was God’s power and God’s strength that would keep me pursuing the right road. Either way, my focus was on God – not the scale, my clothes, or a rigid food journal. Yes, the rest would follow, but God first. Always. In all things.

The Secrets in Us August 13, 2010

So, as a part of my first month in this journey, the biggest realization was the destructiveness of secrets. I hid my overeating. I hid my sense of failure every time I “fell off the wagon” again. I wasn’t real with myself or anyone about why I had gained weight. It was easier just to clam up, keep quiet, and live in shame. Unless, of course, I wanted to clutter the situation with any and every excuse as to why I kept ballooning up in weight. Why I couldn’t stick to a diet. Why I felt bad, and had a run-down body. It was always something or someone else’s fault. I had never owned up to my own sin, and the results of my own actions.

See, the enemy loves to keep us in that place of shame and captivity. If he can keep us silent, we will internalize our emotions, and self-destruct. Making his plan quiet successful, and ourselves miserable. Only when I fessed up – out loud – to myself, to God, and to those close to me – that I wasn’t just “delightfully fluffy” but that I had a serious issue with out of control eating, the fog lifted. God brought freedom in my honesty. He brought power for my weakness. He was allowed to have control over my situation.

I no longer felt shame. I could let go of all the excuses. It was out in the open, and I could deal with life head-on. In a right way. Honest way. Healthy. Holy. Pleasing to God.

And that’s how victory was won.

I let God be God, and was honest about the thing that was creating a wedge between me and my relationship with Him. Oh, He obviously already knew it was there, but only when I acknowledged, humbled myself, and laid it down at His feet was I able to walk away from that old baggage once and for all. No more games.

(Again, I must tell you that as I share this story, piece by piece, I in no way want to lead you into a moment of shame – my goal is to bring freedom. I in no way want to say that I am without challenges – each day I have to decide to submit those bites to God…and I’m on this journey with you, dear friend!)

And So it Begins… August 13, 2010

The month of March, 2009, brought forth some big changes in my life. Me, the talkative one, was oddly silent when it came to sharing what God was doing in my life though. Sure, I shared my heart with my small group of close friends, but outside of that group and my family, I found it almost impossible to truly share what was going on. Even when I dropped a few sized in a month. When my clothes no longer fit. When it was obvious I had actually had “success” in the weight loss game.

When the weight loss became visible, the questions started.

“Are you on a diet?”

“What diet are you on?”

“How are you doing it?”

“Are you starving yourself?” (Funniest of all, since I was a compulsive overeater by nature).

“Tell me how your diet plan works.”

Well, I probably seemed pretty crazy to everyone who asked, because there was no “three step” quick answer. No magic pill. No two day cure. I knew, even in that first month, that this was completely different than any diet attempt in the past because the eating plan was a secondary issue.

The weight loss was a byproduct of what was going on in my heart. God was central. Submitting every bite to Him, whether a Medifast bar, shake, or lean meal. See, the plan worked, but only because I trusted God to help me through each day – keeping me from going right back to the destructive patterns of my own thinking.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell them I was on a diet – because, sure, I was watching what I was eating. I just had no idea how to describe the whole process – everything that was changing in my thinking, and the whole spiritual end of things. Why? Because I was still in the throws of transformation. Didn’t quite realize what kinds of changes were going on until hindsight was able to kick in. So, it was easier to avoid talking about it.

Yeah, I learned real quick that the best way to get somebody to roll their eyes at you was to respond to those diet questions above with the answer, “it’s a lot of hard work, and a lot of prayer. And, I submit every bite to God.”

Really? Yep. Trust me. It sounded bizarre to me too. Submit food to God? But that’s just a meal. Just a snack. Why would God care what I ate? Well, if food becomes an addiction, it becomes an idol. You spend more time planning, eating, and regretting than you spend growing in your relationship with God. Food becomes a sin issue. At least it did for me. I’m not judging or saying anything about anyone else – each person has to honestly evaluate their reasons, choices, and lifestyle, and take those things to God to let Him reveal His impression about it all.

You know, my response to their questions brought forth a bunch of silent reactions too. You know, that polite, “oohhhh….” followed by a quick change in subject. Right choices are hard work. A plan helped, but it was a tool I used – not something I could use without having to put forth effort on my own part.

The eating plan I was using absolutely helped me kick my food addiction, because it took the manipulation element away. Five products. One lean meal. No points, wiggle room, or games. That’s it. Now, I have to tell you, that unless my thinking had changed, and unless God was top on my motivation list, I don’t know that I would have been successful long term. I’m not saying anything negative about the products – simply that my captivity was quite strong, and no earthly solution would be 100% perfect without God’s help in my life.

I think part of my hesitation to talk about what was going on had to do with the fact that for the first time in my life, this dealt with the sin issue of my eating. It was a personal season of correction that God was bringing me through – all designed to help me live a more healthy, holy life. But who wants to admit that? It would mean I’d have to fess up that my attitude about food in the past was wrong, that my games and justification were wrong and even destructive, and that my attitude was rebellious. Yuck. Easier just to keep quiet.

I can write this to you now, a year and a half later, because I see what God has done. I see the freedom. I see my choices, preferences, and resolve have changed. I realize that “this time” truly was different than the others. Why? My secret sin – my addiction – is gone.

My daily choices are still there – I have the choice to eat junk and forget it all, but when I stop for a moment and think about the peace that I’ve got now, that I never had before, I realize there is no desire to go back there. To go back to captivity. And that’s how I see my old eating episodes – binges – overeating – treats – celebrations – nothing more than a secret manipulation that kept me captive from living the best life I could live.

The Big Before Moment – Part 2 August 13, 2010

Ok, so I realized that I HAD to do something. I couldn’t carry on like this. I hit that moment in time when a decision was made so far down in my sub-conscious desires that I couldn’t run from it any more even if I wanted to – God had nudged me, the photos had stunned me, and I got on the internet looking for options.

Yes, like any good yo-yo dieter, I thought that if it was going to be “different this time” then the internet would hold my magic pill. Somewhere, on Google, I’d find the best doctor, idea, or surgery (yes, I thought I had no other choice but surgery at that moment) to fix my ills. All the while, click after click, I cried out to God. Asking for help. Ready to change. I can’t adequately explain what was going on in my mind, except that I knew this was a pivotal moment in my life. A day I’d never forget.

As I researched what surgery to do, I noticed that to prepare for surgery and to get through post-op recovery, many people use a liquid diet, protein shakes, or certain weight loss products. I scoffed to myself and thought, “well, if I have to take that stuff anyway, why not just do that diet and forget the surgery.”

Friend, watch what you wish for. I felt God responding to my spirit, “Are you finally done with your food addiction? Good. This is what you will do.”

And, so began my journey. I ordered the Medifast  products I saw online, but realized that the food portion was only one part of my new resolve to be healthy. God was in charge of my success, and He would have to be my focus. Medifast would work, but only if I changed.

Why?

Because I knew how to cheat my way through the best of diets. Like any addict, I’d follow the right choices for awhile, only to binge when I had a tough day. Or secretly eat when no one was looking, so all they’d see is my good habits (and lack of weight loss). I could count points (and load up on zero point junk all day, still consuming way too much food) and count calories (oh, but at the restaurant, you have to guess-timate how much is on that plate). Yep, for years I’d gone in and out of weekly meetings (only to go out to lunch afterward with friends) and register and re-register for support groups. Funny thing is, each time I began anew, my starting weight would be higher than my starting weight of the prior attempt. Obviously, I wasn’t “getting it” – I was just getting fatter.

And so, my before moment happened in my own house, in my own mind, and in my own choices. Sure, I’d had countless “before moments” in the past – but I knew then, and it’s clear now, that this was the first and last “before moment” dealing with the actual food addiction.

I finally left my DIET in the dust.

My “Do It Every Time” – the series of bad habits that never brought forth freedom or lasting success.