Ok, so I realized that I HAD to do something. I couldn’t carry on like this. I hit that moment in time when a decision was made so far down in my sub-conscious desires that I couldn’t run from it any more even if I wanted to – God had nudged me, the photos had stunned me, and I got on the internet looking for options.
Yes, like any good yo-yo dieter, I thought that if it was going to be “different this time” then the internet would hold my magic pill. Somewhere, on Google, I’d find the best doctor, idea, or surgery (yes, I thought I had no other choice but surgery at that moment) to fix my ills. All the while, click after click, I cried out to God. Asking for help. Ready to change. I can’t adequately explain what was going on in my mind, except that I knew this was a pivotal moment in my life. A day I’d never forget.
As I researched what surgery to do, I noticed that to prepare for surgery and to get through post-op recovery, many people use a liquid diet, protein shakes, or certain weight loss products. I scoffed to myself and thought, “well, if I have to take that stuff anyway, why not just do that diet and forget the surgery.”
Friend, watch what you wish for. I felt God responding to my spirit, “Are you finally done with your food addiction? Good. This is what you will do.”
And, so began my journey. I ordered the Medifast products I saw online, but realized that the food portion was only one part of my new resolve to be healthy. God was in charge of my success, and He would have to be my focus. Medifast would work, but only if I changed.
Why?
Because I knew how to cheat my way through the best of diets. Like any addict, I’d follow the right choices for awhile, only to binge when I had a tough day. Or secretly eat when no one was looking, so all they’d see is my good habits (and lack of weight loss). I could count points (and load up on zero point junk all day, still consuming way too much food) and count calories (oh, but at the restaurant, you have to guess-timate how much is on that plate). Yep, for years I’d gone in and out of weekly meetings (only to go out to lunch afterward with friends) and register and re-register for support groups. Funny thing is, each time I began anew, my starting weight would be higher than my starting weight of the prior attempt. Obviously, I wasn’t “getting it” – I was just getting fatter.
And so, my before moment happened in my own house, in my own mind, and in my own choices. Sure, I’d had countless “before moments” in the past – but I knew then, and it’s clear now, that this was the first and last “before moment” dealing with the actual food addiction.
I finally left my DIET in the dust.
My “Do It Every Time” – the series of bad habits that never brought forth freedom or lasting success.
