A Word of Encouragement – Just in Time August 13, 2010

As I began seeing results in my journey, God kept reinforcing His strength and His hope in my situation. I’m not going to kid you – there were days filled with dreams of junk food – and a constant mental battle to stay on track. Though transformation was happening, it was going along at it’s own pace – not my expectation of instant perfect-ness (yeah, right…)

At the same time I began this change, I was in a small group study with some friends. We were going through the book, “Seeking God” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

In this book, during a hard week of temptation, the study of Philippians 2:13 jumped off the page – with this promise, “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” Hmm. God would give me the power and the desire to pursue righteousness? Well, that’s how Nancy explained it.

Did I believe it? Oh, yes. In this season of submitting this area to God, it was clear that my willpower was not enough. My strength was not enough. My power was non-existent. But God! Oh, how He was carrying me thru, keeping me on track, and helping me be satisfied with my meal plan. Yes, the food was good, but only He could transform my heart completely.

The thing that hit me the most was the fact that God not only gives us the power, but the desire to pursue righteousness. Desire. I had many desires, and some of them were quite unhealthy. Like the now waning desire to eat whatever, whenever, no matter what the effect. But now, God would change those desires. I would want to be healthy. Pleasing to God. Wow. Not in my own strength, but because my focus was on Him, and He would give me the strength and power. Cool, huh? That promise is available to everyone!

And, Philippians 2:13 became the verse I clung to – in the moments I caved to temptation, and in the choices that kept me on the right road – either way, it was God’s power and God’s strength that would keep me pursuing the right road. Either way, my focus was on God – not the scale, my clothes, or a rigid food journal. Yes, the rest would follow, but God first. Always. In all things.

The Secrets in Us August 13, 2010

So, as a part of my first month in this journey, the biggest realization was the destructiveness of secrets. I hid my overeating. I hid my sense of failure every time I “fell off the wagon” again. I wasn’t real with myself or anyone about why I had gained weight. It was easier just to clam up, keep quiet, and live in shame. Unless, of course, I wanted to clutter the situation with any and every excuse as to why I kept ballooning up in weight. Why I couldn’t stick to a diet. Why I felt bad, and had a run-down body. It was always something or someone else’s fault. I had never owned up to my own sin, and the results of my own actions.

See, the enemy loves to keep us in that place of shame and captivity. If he can keep us silent, we will internalize our emotions, and self-destruct. Making his plan quiet successful, and ourselves miserable. Only when I fessed up – out loud – to myself, to God, and to those close to me – that I wasn’t just “delightfully fluffy” but that I had a serious issue with out of control eating, the fog lifted. God brought freedom in my honesty. He brought power for my weakness. He was allowed to have control over my situation.

I no longer felt shame. I could let go of all the excuses. It was out in the open, and I could deal with life head-on. In a right way. Honest way. Healthy. Holy. Pleasing to God.

And that’s how victory was won.

I let God be God, and was honest about the thing that was creating a wedge between me and my relationship with Him. Oh, He obviously already knew it was there, but only when I acknowledged, humbled myself, and laid it down at His feet was I able to walk away from that old baggage once and for all. No more games.

(Again, I must tell you that as I share this story, piece by piece, I in no way want to lead you into a moment of shame – my goal is to bring freedom. I in no way want to say that I am without challenges – each day I have to decide to submit those bites to God…and I’m on this journey with you, dear friend!)

And So it Begins… August 13, 2010

The month of March, 2009, brought forth some big changes in my life. Me, the talkative one, was oddly silent when it came to sharing what God was doing in my life though. Sure, I shared my heart with my small group of close friends, but outside of that group and my family, I found it almost impossible to truly share what was going on. Even when I dropped a few sized in a month. When my clothes no longer fit. When it was obvious I had actually had “success” in the weight loss game.

When the weight loss became visible, the questions started.

“Are you on a diet?”

“What diet are you on?”

“How are you doing it?”

“Are you starving yourself?” (Funniest of all, since I was a compulsive overeater by nature).

“Tell me how your diet plan works.”

Well, I probably seemed pretty crazy to everyone who asked, because there was no “three step” quick answer. No magic pill. No two day cure. I knew, even in that first month, that this was completely different than any diet attempt in the past because the eating plan was a secondary issue.

The weight loss was a byproduct of what was going on in my heart. God was central. Submitting every bite to Him, whether a Medifast bar, shake, or lean meal. See, the plan worked, but only because I trusted God to help me through each day – keeping me from going right back to the destructive patterns of my own thinking.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell them I was on a diet – because, sure, I was watching what I was eating. I just had no idea how to describe the whole process – everything that was changing in my thinking, and the whole spiritual end of things. Why? Because I was still in the throws of transformation. Didn’t quite realize what kinds of changes were going on until hindsight was able to kick in. So, it was easier to avoid talking about it.

Yeah, I learned real quick that the best way to get somebody to roll their eyes at you was to respond to those diet questions above with the answer, “it’s a lot of hard work, and a lot of prayer. And, I submit every bite to God.”

Really? Yep. Trust me. It sounded bizarre to me too. Submit food to God? But that’s just a meal. Just a snack. Why would God care what I ate? Well, if food becomes an addiction, it becomes an idol. You spend more time planning, eating, and regretting than you spend growing in your relationship with God. Food becomes a sin issue. At least it did for me. I’m not judging or saying anything about anyone else – each person has to honestly evaluate their reasons, choices, and lifestyle, and take those things to God to let Him reveal His impression about it all.

You know, my response to their questions brought forth a bunch of silent reactions too. You know, that polite, “oohhhh….” followed by a quick change in subject. Right choices are hard work. A plan helped, but it was a tool I used – not something I could use without having to put forth effort on my own part.

The eating plan I was using absolutely helped me kick my food addiction, because it took the manipulation element away. Five products. One lean meal. No points, wiggle room, or games. That’s it. Now, I have to tell you, that unless my thinking had changed, and unless God was top on my motivation list, I don’t know that I would have been successful long term. I’m not saying anything negative about the products – simply that my captivity was quite strong, and no earthly solution would be 100% perfect without God’s help in my life.

I think part of my hesitation to talk about what was going on had to do with the fact that for the first time in my life, this dealt with the sin issue of my eating. It was a personal season of correction that God was bringing me through – all designed to help me live a more healthy, holy life. But who wants to admit that? It would mean I’d have to fess up that my attitude about food in the past was wrong, that my games and justification were wrong and even destructive, and that my attitude was rebellious. Yuck. Easier just to keep quiet.

I can write this to you now, a year and a half later, because I see what God has done. I see the freedom. I see my choices, preferences, and resolve have changed. I realize that “this time” truly was different than the others. Why? My secret sin – my addiction – is gone.

My daily choices are still there – I have the choice to eat junk and forget it all, but when I stop for a moment and think about the peace that I’ve got now, that I never had before, I realize there is no desire to go back there. To go back to captivity. And that’s how I see my old eating episodes – binges – overeating – treats – celebrations – nothing more than a secret manipulation that kept me captive from living the best life I could live.